The way to San Jose…

…apparently involved a maze. Well, THE Maze, actually.
Recently, a conversation with a client (debating the merits of a few avenues we could travel with his ‘57 Ford) turned to one of my all-time favorite late-50’s customs, Jerry Devito’s “The Maze”.

The car is a great example of restyling at the time, employing seven scoops of Grande Brothers bodywork (not to mention shaved trim and handles, extended peaks over the tunneled head and tail lights) all covered in a green/gold, and finally, a topping of scallops in seven colors by Bob Hendricks. Outrageous? Certainly… Are we going to duplicate the car? Unlikely… but there are aspects of this car that are so “right”, it’s scary, and will make the final cut. (however, if anyone is up to creating a similar, maybe even a tribute car…. I’m ready for you!)

Dig on the stance for a bit… It’s awesome. The right amount of sidewall on the tires, the chrome reverse wheels are incredible, and the lack of a rear hubcap hints at performance potential. Devito’s ride utilized the original engine, with the addition of an Offy three deuce intake, Isky cam, and the ever-popular Magspark ignition — we may go likewise! Interesting to note is that the car had some chrome engine dress-up parts… This was the era when such underhood detail began to gain ground… As the cars became lower and more “custom” in appearance from the factory, the emphasis on body modifications (current example exempted!) began to wane, and it was in vogue to simply drop the ride height, and go wild on paint. Consider that this same car, if built a couple of years later, may have worn thin whitewalls (Royal Masters, perhaps?), no lakes pipes, and the body restyling would have been decidedly different… ‘59 was the tail end of wide whitewalls, and the beginning of a steady decline of the “golden age” of customs.

In any event, I thought it would be cool to share this car, as it had a profound effect on me so many years ago when I first saw it, thumbing through some “little pages” at a family friend’s shop (imagine a kid in the ’80’s discovering this car in his VERY early teens… “impressionable” begins to describe it!). Later in life, I’d stumble across a piece of art by VonFranco featuring this car. Wild! While I’m certain many folks knew of the car, it was awesome to see it immortalized by a modern master in that way.

Odd fact: The car appeared in print wearing the stock front bumper on at least one occasion (as seen here):

and then later in print, with an odd split bumper and molded pan…

Anyone know when this happened? If so, drop me a line!

There you have it… a quick trip through the maze, complete with some cool eye candy as your reward…

My Stickers WILL Make Your Car Quicker.

Blake ran the ‘Bird again a few days ago… and added more evidence to the claims that a PCK Studio sticker WILL make your car faster. How’s about four tenths faster?! Since we last checked in, the car was pulling low-11’s and very respectable high-10’s. Simply by peeling the backing and applying to your clean car, perhaps you too can gain speed, cut times, and launch like a rock star!

…of course, individual results may vary.

…and here, on an Olds!:

On the subject of running quicker, check out Blake’s latest video… There’s drama, tire smoke, and dig the way the car launches… poetic, in a way:

Can’t wait to see what happens when the 3.23 rear gear gets swapped, and some slicks get mounted!

In any event… there’s a moral in this story, as well as a great bit of knowedge to be gleaned: Our stickers will make your car faster. Less than five bucks got an actual client four tenths. Now to work on that miracle cure for flatulence…

“That’s a lot of (expletive) magazines!”

One of my all-time favorite cars has always been the ‘57 Chevy known as “Project X”… That yellow, enlarged rear wheel opening-having, hoodless, blown kick-ass pile of performance parts and attitude that was put together in a far different age. Over many years, it was a test bed and ongoing project over at Popular Hot Rodding…. in the days before Pro-Touring… hell, even prior to Pro/Street. Of course, my favorite incarnation of the perennial magazine project car was circa ‘81-’82… the look featured in the movie “The Hollywood Knights”.

The car just had “the look”… Great color, great stance, and superb use of mag wheels. The way this car launched (what is it with my fixation of late with a car springing off the line? Who cares. It’s good.), and hell, even Tony Danza looked cool in it. Looking over some screen grabs from the movie, I came across this one:

…and couldn’t help but think (while peering at the background) that “that’s a lot of fucking magazines there.”

Ironic, considering the car’s tremendous amount of ink over the years. Art and life imitating each other. That may be the deepest thought ever written with regards to a movie that featured farting to “Volare”.

Savor the moment….

savor it….

…and we’re done here.

And the winner is…

..Mike Warn, with his incredible, Ferrari-powered ‘60 Rambler wagon.

Taking the Ridler Award is no small feat, especially so in this day and age of extreme quality cars, and this year’s winner is a prime example of not only the quality and attention to detail required to make the Great 8, but the creativity required to take the big prize.
Divers Street Rods in Sultan, WA threw down the gauntlet by placing the little Rambler over a Morrison chassis featuring suspension and drivetrain from a Ferrari 360 Modena, and rests on one-off 18 (front) and 20-inch (rear) wheels.

Congrats to all involved on not only a great ride, but for pushing the envelope once more! (photos courtesy Street Rodder)

We’d also like to extend a huge congratulations to Joe Mouton Jr., and the crew over at Hot Rod Joe’s Rods and Customs, as well as Wayne and Pam at M&M Hot Rod Interiors for their outstanding work on Joe’s ‘41 Willys, which placed in the Great 8! Local heroes at Hot Rods by Dean placed in the Great 8 as well, with (another local!) Mark Bozak’s ‘67 GMC, which flowed from the always-creative pen of good friend and uber-talent Jimmy Smith! Well done, everyone…

I have seen the future of porn…

…and I call it “Speed Porn” and “PoonCasting”.

(I almost wrote, “and it’s in the palm of your hand”, but that would have been lame.)

I know, I know… you’re thinking “this guy’s AMAZING!!! How does he do it?” We’ll never know how it happens, but the “why?” seems to have involved a few sharp blows to the head in my formative years, and lots of beer in those following. Anyway, the idea “came” to me last night…. yes, in a flash. Seems these moments of genius come in spurts….

Anyhooooo…..

Speed Porn. It is the future of porn, and a natural growth for reality-based entertainment. It’s adult entertainment that fits your busy lifestyle (…and into the palm of your hand… or that of a willing assistant.) (sorry.)

The premise is simple: with the world moving faster and faster, you don’t have time to wait for the plumber/pizza guy/gardener/sorrority sleep-over, whatever… you have limited time to see some good old fornication. Add to that America’s love for reality anything, and you’ve probably thought “hell, I’m ugly enough to be a porn star… and my method in the sack is probably the sad reality for many folk… I’ll combine my speedy performance art and time-saving know-how with some good old marketing.”

Here’s the deal:

Say you’re running late for a meeting on the 38th floor, and you’re up for some porn… What to do? Simply flip on the iPod (“PoonCasting” will be a registered Trademark of “SpeedPorn Limited” later today…. so don’t get any ideas), and enjoy 41 seconds of real-time lovin’. (honestly, it’s more like 7.2 seconds of foreplay, 2.8 seconds of lovin’, and then an apology, and some guy eating a sandwich). Special Director’s Cut DVD’s will include extra footage (oh, this is pun-tastic) including crying, arguments, and paternity testing. This is, after all, reality-based. Yours may vary.

The premise of “speed” everything, is much like “speed dating”…. which is actually a part of the natural evolution of speed porn. In fact, let’s look into the future of “Speed Porn”. A friend recently returned from a trip to Japan, and he told me wild tales of food, people, places, and, above all, hand-held, wireless entertainment devices that occupy the folk on long commutes. Instant idea. Imagine a hand-held game, much like a certain gaming platform that allows people to battle one another on subways, busses, coffee houses, etc…. Only we take role playing top a new level, and allow adults to engage in virtual encounters on screen…. As we discussed this, we thought that it could range from talking to full-on, um, housekeeping… or whatever else your sick little mind enjoys. Simply create a character and a personality for it, and go to town. Purchase props and whatnot using credits earned from each stellar performance! Hours on the subway would fly by! And imagine the possibilities for the lonely, the horny, and the strange!

Yes, an idea, a dream, and the future of porn as it becomes more and more mainstream. Don’t thank me, just give me 20% and a royalty check every month.

You can make out in a bar…

…but not, say, in a department store. (unless, perhaps, you know the other party intimately — or are GETTING to know them that way…)

Anyway, a thought crossed my mind the other night, and I did what I always do when I need some time alone: I shared it with my wife, who promptly shook her head and wandered off.

I got to thinking about bars, and how it’s almost completely acceptable to make out in them… not to mention the correlation of S,B x HF=OK (where SB= “Seediness of Bar”, HF=”Hotness Factor” of persons involved — note multiple, as one person making out gets, well, kinda f**king weird (see “Palm Pilots” below) — and OK=well, Okey-Doky-ness amongst other patrons of said bar.) Consider that the grungier the bar, the more face-sucking potential people have. Of course, I have taken into consideration such variables as LF (or “Lateness Factor”), BG (“Beer Goggle Factor”, which, in most cases, is directly dependent on LF), and of course, DL (or “Desperation Level”), but wanted to keep this simple.

My main concern is that, while accepted in bars (and airplane restrooms), for the most part, you’re limited to places that you can “get busy”, as the kids say, without fear of reprimand, the stink eye, or arrest. I mean, in a bar, you may expect one or two couples (and again, maybe the one loner) leaning against the bar (or rubbing for you loners), and enjoying one another’s company… fillings, piercings, halitosis, whatever. Try that while waiting for your burger at the fast-food place. Reaction is often quite different… (next week we’ll cover “prop usage in PDA situations for fun and profit”, wherein we’ll present the transcription of my recent Ivy League dissertation on “Originality in Public Lovemaking For Fun, Profit, and a Film Career on the Internet”) I’m assuming the family behind you may frown on this, and complain. Place that same family in a bar, and, well, someone’s probably losing a liquor license, but your making out session will gain higher approval.

Observe:
Wander into the local tavern, have a few drinks, play some darts, meet a cutie, and make out a bit. You’re a hero.

Inverse:
Wander into IKEA, and eat a traditional Swedish breakfast, look at some furniture, meet a cutie, and bed her down in a tastefully decorated room right out of post-apocalyptic (future, Blade Runner-style version) Germany, where everyone graduates from the Bahaus and is uber-stylish and cheap. You do not get to read the instructions and assemble furniture… instead, you get to make license plates or pick up roadside trash… It’s opposing ends of the spectrum to be certain.

Granted, there’s more to life (and making out) than IKEA and bars. There are plenty of places that PDA’s (those would be Public Displays of Affection, versus Palm Pilots and what have you… and don’t even get me started –pardon the pun– on “palm” anything with regard to making out… that, my gentle reader, is a whole other topic for another time and place…) would be unacceptable… Come to think of it, even levels of affection have limits, publicly… and for good reason… the above-mentioned mathematical formulas notwithstanding.

In summary, I suppose that’s what growing up is really all about: Knowing what to do and where.

And understanding math.